My world is my doom

Dear Sonder,

I feel so empty inside. I want to cry but no tears are left. I want to scream but I have no voice. I want to fall but I have no body. When did life get so hard or has it always been this hard? All these expectations and opinions of me keep layering themselves on as the air gets thicker; I am suffocating more day by day. 

My life is burning. My world is burning.

My friends from high school are all living different lives. They’re working, doing sport, doing university and have made new friends. Whereas I? I do nothing. We had hung out a few times but it does not feel as good and fun as it had in the past. I realised they do not care about me and what I do. They don’t treat me well, yet I cling onto the idea of what we were. 

I truly do not have real friends. It is laughable but I dread the day we hang out for I know after it I will feel worse. Though, I still make plans because I have known them for so long and I cannot handle the end. 

My family thinks I am lazy and unmotivated. They don’t know I am trying so hard to get a job and a driver's license. They do not see my struggle as I hide it from them. It is worse as I do not know what I want to do in University. Everything feels like an impossible mountain to climb. Everything is draining the life out of me. I feel as though my cousins do not like me too. I have always been an outsider to my family, it is just now that the feeling is hitting. And it hurts much more than it should. 

I do not want to go to therapy. I do not know why but if I go it feels like I am admitting defeat and it proves that I am weak. I already know these things but doing something about it makes it feel much more real. 

I know I am a failure. I fail to do the things others find it so easy to do. I hate myself more than I hate anything. 

I do not know why I am still here. The world has a green filter across it, sometimes there are specks of red or orange that flash through,  but mostly it is a sickening green. I am another fragment of ‘empty’ in the miserable void of the world. 

The thing is, I fear there is no way to fix this. I have never met someone happy in life. Someone who is truly happy. Everyone has their own struggles and climbs to attain goals that will only leave them feeling more empty. I look at people old and young, all unhappy with their life. I fear I will never reach the point of happiness. My world is my doom. 

I know this is a lot to say for strangers on the internet, but truly I have no one else. 

From Anonymous

Belgium, 19

Advice from Sonder

You know that song where it goes, ‘slow down you’re doing fine, you can’t be everything you want to be before your time.” Vienna by Billy Joel, I believe. When your world’s toes feel like they are teetered on an edge, it helps to sing this phrase. 

You are doing fine and a time will come for everything. 

Perhaps, it is quite of a cliché, but it is nothing less of the truth; you are not alone. There are millions and millions of us that stand with you. I assure you, I feel the weight of your emotions, a reader stumbling through this post feels it, even the world feels it. You belong. 

The sense of urgency, the drive, the pressure to be ‘good’ feels as though it is surmounting to nothing. These swallowing feelings drape a dark curtain over you and the light of reality becomes hidden. You must know that this curtain is not permanent. It is not set in stone. Sooner or later, it is inevitable that a breeze will pass and blow it away. 

The breeze can be soft, merely a graze across your cheek, yet it will lift the curtain. Why? The curtain masks its weight as a boulder and a bull combined, but in reality it is nothing but threadbare and interwoven bits of string.  

This breeze can be a change of scenery, a change of friends or even maybe a new hobby to become obsessed with. The right things will come to you when it seems all the wrong things have been coming your way.

The green filter that you speak of is just that: a filter. A filter can be removed. A filter can be cleaned. It does not define what your world truly is. 

I hear the pain in your words, and I want you to know that this darkness you're experiencing doesn't define who you are. It feels suffocating now, as though every breath takes more effort, and every step forward feels heavier than the last. But even in this exhaustion, this numbness, you're still here—holding on when every fiber in you feels like letting go. That, in itself, is strength.

It’s understandable to feel lost when the people around you seem to be moving ahead, living lives that seem more full or purposeful. But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief, especially when it comes to our personal journeys. The fact that you’re struggling with things that others may seem to breeze through doesn’t make you a failure. Everyone’s battle is different, and what seems effortless for one person could be an invisible war for another. 

Friendships, like everything else in life, shift and evolve. What once felt like a foundation of belonging might now feel fragile, and it's painful to watch those bonds loosen. Clinging to memories of how things were can often deepen that hurt because you’re trying to relive moments that no longer exist in the same way. Maybe it’s time to loosen your grip on those ties, not as an act of giving up, but to free yourself from the weight of expectations that they no longer meet. You deserve relationships that nurture and uplift you, even if that means letting go of the ones that no longer do.

As for your family, it’s heart-breaking to feel misunderstood, to work so hard beneath the surface and still feel unseen. They don’t know the inner battles you’re waging, and that can be isolating. It’s okay to feel hurt by their lack of understanding, but remember that your journey is not for their validation.

You’re standing on the edge of so many unknowns: what to do about university, how to move forward when everything feels like an uphill climb, whether you’re liked or even truly seen by those around you. These questions can feel overwhelming, but not having all the answers right now is okay. You don’t need to have everything figured out today or even tomorrow. Life unfolds in its own time, and your worth isn’t dependent on how quickly you check off boxes or meet expectations.

Here's what I want to tell you:

Take small steps: You’re not expected to have everything figured out, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. You’re already trying by looking for a job and working on your license—those are huge things, even if they feel small. Focus on one task a day, even if it’s just getting through the day.

University and the future can wait: The pressure to decide your future path is suffocating, but remember, it’s okay to not know what you want right now. Many people start university without a clear goal, and many paths are discovered along the way. If the deadline is too much, consider taking time off to explore what you really want without the weight of immediate decisions. You deserve the space to figure things out.

Friendships change: It’s hard when old friendships don’t feel the same, and you’re right, clinging to the past can hurt more than letting go. You don’t have to hang onto people who don’t make you feel valued, even if they were once important. It’s okay to distance yourself and create space for new connections or for time to just focus on you.

Reach out for support: Whether it's a counselor, a therapist, or even an online support group, you don’t have to carry this alone. Sometimes, it’s easier to open up to someone outside your immediate circle who can offer guidance and a listening ear. Your feelings are serious, and you deserve help in sorting through them.

You’re not a failure: Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Everyone moves at their own pace. Success looks different for everyone, and your worth is not tied to accomplishments, grades, or social status. You are valuable just as you are.

Your family’s opinion doesn’t define you: Families can sometimes be blind to the struggles we’re going through. That doesn’t mean you’re lazy or unmotivated. You’re trying, and that effort counts, even if they don’t see it. Don’t let their judgments weigh down the progress you’re making.

Slow down you’re doing fine, you can’t be everything you want to be before your time.

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